The Female Friend Conspiracy Theory

So,  last night, out of the blue, I had a female friend call me whom I have not heard from in a while.

And by friend I mean:

We never had sex. And we had communicated that we would remain friends until I figure my sh*t out. She knew very well my relationship status of “wanting my cake and to eat it, too.”

Out of the blue means, I haven’t heard from her in SIX MONTHS…after no explanation as to why we stopped talking.

Here is the summary of what I had written on my post titled, “Are Women Capable of Being Anything But Selfish and Inconsiderate.”

I have a female “friend” who used to frequent this blog quite regularly. We probably have “known” each other for about two years. We used to have long exciting and fun phone conversations and video chat exchanges whenever we could. It was all in the name of friendship and nothing more. Once, I flew to Washington, DC to visit her.

On that visit we shared a fun night of conversation and dinner. Nothing more. A month later she told me that she was involved in a relationship. I was happy for her. We talked about her relationship for a few days, off and on, but then, eventually, our conversations were few and far between. I suppose that it is understandable. She has a new priority in her life.

However, what I don’t understand is why she has stopped commenting on this blog, and why she can’t even return a text messages that I sent her to  inquire as to how things are going. I’m pretty sure she has seen the text message I sent. The last time I sent one she waited twelve days to respond. Now, it has been approximately eighteen hours. Inconsiderate? Of course, it is.

As of yesterday, before her call, I had already shrugged her off after I wrote that post.

I was quite SURPRISED. Seriously.

Her first words…

“Hey, stranger. Do you know who this is?

Of course I knew who it was.

I quickly got into the discussion as to what happened.

She said she doesn’t remember the events as I wrote them above.

In my head I’m like…sure…whatever.

BUT, the fact that she called me to talk through it means…I don’t know. I really don’t know how to feel.

Ambivalent?

After we talked for about an hour and a half, I’m still feeling some type of way. I just can’t put my hands around it.

YOU be the judge. As you guys know, I’m a pretty cynical guy.

THE CONSPIRACY

Here is my perspective on what happened to my blogger friend, even though she says that it didn’t happen this way:
She got a boyfriend. This I found out in December.

As far as I remember, we still talked and sent text messages. After the boyfriend, and because she was studying for an important professional exam, I remember these being few and far between.

Eventually, they slowed down and I would send random text messages such as, “I hope all is well, how is your studying going?”

Whatever my text messages were, I think they all solicited for some type of response.

Eventually, the responses to text messages stop. I remember feeling weird about it since we had been friends since about June 2011.

So, I decided that maybe she was too busy. Whatever. Right?

Then, at the same time that I was going through the situation that I wrote about in the “selfish” post, I noticed that it was twelve days since she last responded to me.

It wasn’t that I was counting the number of days that we hadn’t communicated like some crazy serial killer stalker, it was just me going through my phone twelve days later seeing that I didn’t get a response from the last message that I had sent.

So, this is when I made ONE CALL, as I remember, and left a voice mail asking her to return my call. I got nothing.

I sent my last text message. Got nothing.

Eighteen hours later, I wrote the blog post above.

I concluded that she did what the majority of females do when they want to avoid confrontation…back away from a relationship with not much of an explanation.

That’s my bias based on not only my own but the experiences of some of my friends, too.

I accepted it. I moved on. I shrugged it off.

Then…

Last night, she calls me…six months later, which just so happens to be a day after reading a post on her favorite blogger’s site www.nevblog.com that showed a picture of he and I hanging out.

In the call, she mentions that she saw me hanging out with one of her favorite bloggers.

This is what I think.

I didn’t really ask her how she knew we had hung out. We both put a picture on our blogs and discussed that we were roommates. She could have read his blog post or mine, BUT…

I changed my blog’s domain since the last time she and I had talked so, I doubt if she learned about it from my blog.

Any way. Back to Neville.

She tells me that she idolizes this guy.

Like I said, his blog post had a link to my site.

THIS IS PURELY CYNICAL SPECULATION FROM HERE ON….

She starts thinking…whoa…I know someone who knows the person whom I idolize.

She goes…damn, I got to get in good, so,

She goes on my site to see if I was pissed at what happened between her and I.

She finds that I wrote the blog post that mentions her.

Of course, in this post, I didn’t hold back.

She thinks to herself…conflict…conflict...hmm…bingo!

I’ll call him to say, “hey, I was just giving you some time.”

CYNICAL SPECULATION ENDS…

After I asked her what made her call she told me that she was just “giving me some time.” It just so happens to be AFTER Neville’s blog post about #fincon13.

I’m like, WTF, six months of TIME?

She says, “well, yeah.”

I’m thinking to myself…whatever. (Still didn’t know how to feel…even after we spent 30 minutes discussing why I thought her rendition of what took place and the length of time it took for her to call was flawed.)

She says that she stopped calling and contacting me because of the post…even though she had stopped commenting on my blog way before I wrote it.

I’m like…if your version is true…why wouldn’t you call me and say, “look, we’ve been friends for 2 years. Why would I be the person that you wrote about? You’re an ASSHOLE that likes to jump to unreasonable conclusions, Romeo. Go f$ck yourself”

After all, we were friends.

BUT, she goes…because I figured you needed the space.

Why didn’t YOU call me to discuss how you were feeling before writing your post? To which I answered, I DID. And left a voice mail. haha

Then…she puts me in a deadlock by saying, “well, you know. I never received your calls. I didn’t get a voice mail. I MAY have not replied to a text after 18 hours but, definitely not after 12 days. I never received a text from you. Besides, you could have sent an email to make sure I wasn’t ignoring you. This way you could have had evidence that you tried to contact me via email.

I’m like…hmm…f$ck…I guess you got me. You’re right. It’s possible…(because I’m a person that assumes that all people have good intentions and no reason to lie).

Therefore, I apologized for jumping to the assumption that she ignored my calls and text messages…even though I’m sure, but not positive at this point, that I left a voice mail for her, trying to figure out why she stopped calling me.

Still. It’s RIDICULOUSLY WEIRD.

Here’s the real shocker that has me writing this post, which I’m sure she will read.

Our conversation concluded with her saying, in a paraphrasing summary, “hey let’s meet up. Because you came to visit me last time, I’ll come visit you.”

I say…umm…sure. Veteran’s day is right around the corner. This was last night.

Guess what was in my email inbox this morning?

An electronic copy of a plane ticket for her to visit me from the 9th to 12th of November.

Hmm…

Again, I don’t know how to feel. Or what to think.

Self-interest? Genuinely misses me? Who knows?

BTW, she broke up with her boyfriend about 3 months ago.

Crazy right?

I definitely need my readers take on this situation.

Please. HELP. What are your thoughts?

My mine is racing one-hundred miles per hour.

Stranger Things Have Happened. I Guess?

I love writing to reflect on life, in general, but the focus of my writing is personal finance. I exist to teach you how to navigate the personal finance world and then master it! Through my writing you'll learn how to minimize your financial stress, maximize your savings, and then pursue the life that you are destined to live. Don't miss out on any future posts! Be sure to subscribe to the blog.

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10 comments on “The Female Friend Conspiracy Theory
  1. Chris O. says:

    On the one hand,I think your suspicion is well founded. You sent a text and a voicemail and there was silence, and silence conveys meaning. Maybe that was her way of saying “I’m not ready”. That way of communicating (or non-communicating) is arguably cryptic and passive aggressive, but silence for 6 months may have been the best way for her to scale back the relationship without directly coming off as a bitch. I think in life we have to give others a chance to change our perceptions of them. When my wife and I were getting to know one another, I texted her one evening and she responded short with me, “IM SLEEPING”. That was enough for me to get lost for a year. She sounded rude and flippant—I’m out.
    As life would have it, we ended up crossed paths a year later when she was rid of a lot of baggage. We fell in love hard. This time around, however, I didn’t notice the flippant attitude that I really disliked -she had succeed in changing my perception.
    In oyur situation, I would try my best to see this next chapter from a fresher and more forgiving mindset. Let her surprise you.

    • Thanks, Chris.

      I see your point, which is why the phone conversation went on for as long as it did. I TRULY AM a forgiving person, as you know. I clearly have forgiven this friend but, am struggling with what I feel…still.

  2. Ok, so that was REALLY difficult to read, I guess due to all of the emotion involved. However, I’m having difficulty understanding why you would allow yourself to be open to the obvious and childish emotional games this female friend is playing???

    I thought you were content with being left alone and single. Bottom line is your a dad who cares for your son directly, so the last thing you need is to be left contemplating or even entertaining is a confused and emotional female’s intentions. If this woman was real about how she felt for dealing with you she would have made it known early on.

    But that’s just a readers opinion.

    • First, thanks for the honesty on the writing. I guess I’ll try to balance things out more. I attempted to write as if I were in a conversation as opposed to writing as I was…writing. haha

      I certainly am content with being single…but not alone. I welcome friends. If we take the female/male relationship out of the equation do you think you would feel the same way about this “friend?”

  3. Jassy says:

    You were friend zoned . Being that you two are long distance , she didn’t want to put herself out there too much . So she found a guy in her state , and he occupied her time and interest . He didn’t work out . She didn’t know how to come back , so dismissing prior events was her defense . If she isn’t genuine , I don’t think she would have booked a flight . She read your blog and probably admitted her flaws. You couldn’t have upset her that much , she is reaching out .

    A second chance doesn’t mean failure. Personally , I would talk to her about it more face to face . You need to observe her .

    We all don’t communicate as effectively as you . :)

  4. Peter says:

    Enjoy her visit. No agenda. After that, well….

  5. Miss Gina says:

    Well, it’s the woman everyone has been discussing :)

    First Romeo, there are cell phone records from an unbiased third party to show that your cell phone did NOT call mine. I don’t think we were using skype so the only other option was FaceTime and you can’t leave a message with that service. So you DID NOT call me.
    You did send the text, I admitted to not responding after 18 hours. Again, if you REALLY want to reach me, calling/ email would have worked.

    As for my “motive” for calling out of the blue, just as I said, I read YOUR blog post about FINCON, and saw the pic of you and Nev. How I got your new domain? You assumed incorrectly that I stopped reading your blog just because I stopped leaving comments. Is there an IP address tracker you can use to see that I infact did continue to read your blog even after your post about me “abandoning” our friendship? That’s how I got your new domain. I didn’t tell you that on the phone the other night.

    Finally my visit to come see you would have been (yes past tense since I just canceled the flight) just to see you in person as a friend not as a romantic interest. I could have paid for my own accommodations as I’m sure you don’t want to bring a strange woman around your son overnight. (You know I would want to see your cat too) I respect your reservations about the visit and maybe when your distrust of women and their motives towards you have subsided we can try again. ;-)

  6. Hi, Gina.

    You’re a brave woman. Good for you. It actually adds a reality to my post from the “other person’s perspective.” THIS is unheard of in the blogging world. :-)

    For the sake of closing the loop on this saga, I can only write what I remember. What I remember is a slow down in communication and then a halt, just as I wrote above.

    I don’t have a great memory being as how it has been six plus months since this occurrence, and no, I don’t have any evidence to prove that I called or texted you the number of times that I remember.

    All I know is myself. And to me, that is all that I need to understand.

    I understand that I don’t just cut friends out of my life. It takes time to build strong relationships. And I value my relationships dearly.

    I HAD to feel some type of way that was stimulated by SOMETHING, which made me write what I wrote.

    I can be wrong. It’s possible.

    BUT…let’s say that I’m wrong.

    What I’m fucked up about…still…is the time you chose to get in contact with me. Why not earlier? Why not after a month? Three months?

    Why did it have to be AFTER I wrote about your idol….six months later?

    I don’t have a distrust for women until they have given me a rational reason to distrust them. In my mind, my decision was rational.

    Again, thanks for commenting, Gina.

    • MissGina says:

      I could have not contacted you, but I did because of the picture of you and Nev. I thought I stated that. :)
      I contacted you because of the picture with you and my idol as you like to call him. No, I don’t need you to get close to him as I can do that on my own if I so choose. I simply contacted you because I saw the picture and felt maybe it was time. Nothing more and nothing less.

      • Thank you for confirming my suspension, Gina. That was my entire point, even if all my earlier assumptions were wrong…which I don’t think they are.

        See, I’m not the crazy man that everyone thinks I am. :-)

        Again, I appreciate the fact that we connected again.

        Seriously, I do. I value every relationship I build in my life.

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